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Nobody Is A Little Bit OCD

Nobody Is A Little Bit OCD

Meet The Author: Abi Arnold-Michael She/Her

Meet The Author: Abi Arnold-Michael She/Her

Co Creator Of Esperanza

Abi Arnold-Michael is the joint creator of Esperanza.

Having grown up with a series of health problems, Abi has always created her own way. After renovating her first home, Abi who lives with her wife Emma, best friend Andy, and dog Tia, plans to move into a home large enough to adopt and foster children and animals. Abi currently creates flatlays for small businesses and her goal is to establish a more sustainable and ethical shopping experience by encouraging customers to shop locally and with independent businesses.

Meet The Author: Abi Arnold-Michael She/Her

Meet The Author: Abi Arnold-Michael She/Her

Co Creator Of Esperanza

Abi Arnold-Michael is the joint creator of Esperanza.

Having grown up with a series of health problems, Abi has always created her own way. After renovating her first home, Abi who lives with her wife Emma, best friend Andy, and dog Tia, plans to move into a home large enough to adopt and foster children and animals. Abi currently creates flatlays for small businesses and her goal is to establish a more sustainable and ethical shopping experience by encouraging customers to shop locally and with independent businesses.

A shadowy image with what looks like sillouetted shadows superimposed over another shadow of a figure. A body lies in a messy white bed. It gives the appearance of restlessness and no sleep.

Used as a descriptive term in the place of words like ‘particular’, ‘organised’ or ‘tidy’, OCD is widely misunderstood. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a serious mental illness which can hugely impact a person’s life, making a normal standard of living extremely difficult.  Contrary to popular belief, having OCD doesn’t just mean washing your hands repeatedly or turning light switches on and off – though it might! For sufferers, compulsions can range hugely and so can the reasons and pulls behind them.

For me, everything feels as if I am preparing for something: To ‘relax’ I need to ‘prepare’. It intertwines with my anxiety causing me to picture things like snapping bones and falling houses on repeat.

Recently, I sat down to think about my condition and how I felt. Words began to flow from my mind in the form of a poem which I have decided to share as a start to being more open about my mental illness. I wonder how many readers can relate it to their own struggles, and how many may now reconsider the language they use:

For me, everything feels as if I am preparing for something: To ‘relax’ I need to ‘prepare’. It intertwines with my anxiety causing me to picture things like snapping bones and falling houses on repeat.

Recently, I sat down to think about my condition and how I felt. Words began to flow from my mind in the form of a poem which I have decided to share as a start to being more open about my mental illness. I wonder how many readers can relate it to their own struggles, and how many may now reconsider the language they use:

Abi has her back to the camera and in the foreground you can see her blurred hair and shoulders and she looks towards the washed out blue sea and rocks. On the horizon you can faintly see sailing boats.
a view of the sun setting over the sea with rocks in the foreground. It is dark and moody in blues with a hint of orange.

Stuck On Repeat

I want to approach my 30th year without fear,
But I’ve already let it in.
Calling, demanding, promising relief.
Once I have, I can relax.
Traumatic nostalgia ripping up grief.
Crippling, pulling, stuck on repeat.
Worries and fears pulling beneath,
How do I reply, how do I act?
Overcompensate, reassure, its ok.
Maybe its fictional, all in my brain.
Wishing I could remember,
My mind trying to liberate.
Recovering old memories,
Rejoicing in the pain.
Wipe the page clean, tomorrow is a new day.
But it creeps and it pulls, and it promises relief,
Exhaustion, confirmation, impossible belief.
Itching and nagging, I’m losing reality.
Racing, clocks ticking, energy thief.
Nagging, calling, promising relief,
Just this once,
And then peace…
Until next time,
I sleep.

Abi has her back to the camera and in the foreground you can see her blurred hair and shoulders and she looks towards the washed out blue sea and rocks. On the horizon you can faintly see sailing boats.

Stuck On Repeat

I want to approach my 30th year without fear,
But I’ve already let it in.
Calling, demanding, promising relief.
Once I have, I can relax.
Traumatic nostalgia ripping up grief.
Crippling, pulling, stuck on repeat.
Worries and fears pulling beneath,
How do I reply, how do I act?
Overcompensate, reassure, its ok.
Maybe its fictional, all in my brain.
Wishing I could remember,
My mind trying to liberate.
Recovering old memories,
Rejoicing in the pain.
Wipe the page clean, tomorrow is a new day.
But it creeps and it pulls, and it promises relief,
Exhaustion, confirmation, impossible belief.
Itching and nagging, I’m losing reality.
Racing, clocks ticking, energy thief.
Nagging, calling, promising relief,
Just this once,
And then peace…
Until next time,
I sleep.

a view of the sun setting over the sea with rocks in the foreground. It is dark and moody in blues with a hint of orange.

One of my aims is to begin sharing more of my mental illness in the hope that it can educate and make others understand more. I’d love to see a world where we aren’t using OCD in passive sentences or as a TV title. The reality is not funny, and as much as I like to laugh at myself, there’s a huge difference between that, and a joke to which you are not party.  

Here’s to sharing and being more open about our struggles. What would be useful for you to learn about in terms of living with a mental health condition?

in this dark and moody blue image, of a flat but stormy sea, a hand reaches up from the water.
Rethink Regifting: Let Us Tell You More!

Rethink Regifting: Let Us Tell You More!

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